Dr. Arunkumar: AGAM Wellness Clinic LIFE Education
Posted on: 02/Mar/2019 10:33:01 AM
It is NORMAL for an adolescent
To behave in an inconsistent & unpredictable manner
To love their parents & to hate them
To fight their impulses & to accept them
To be generous, unselfish & to be self-centred, egoistic
Such fluctuations between extreme opposites would be labeled highly abnormal at any other time of life.
During teenage, it is no more than that an
Adult structure of personality takes a long time to emerge
Ego of the adolescent in question does not stop to experiment & is in no hurry to close down on possibilities.
Parental Guidance for Us:
We can help our teen children by
1. TOLERATING their Restlessness
2. RESPECTING their Loneliness
3. ACCEPTING their discontent. ( Be present Accepting is not Agreeing . To accept is to acknowledge our children feelings )
We can help by not being EXCESSIVELY interested in their personal lives.
As poet Kahlil Gibran puts it
For the truly good Ask NOT
the naked, where is your garment? nor
the houseless, what has befallen your house?
Questions that are Unhelpful with our Teen:
What`s the matter with you?
Why can`t you sit still?
What has suddenly gotten into you?
These are unanswerable questions.
Even if they knew, they could not say - they are torn by conflicting emotions, engulfed by irrational urges, burning with unfamiliar desires.
Some statements of Teens:
16y old : I am always frustrated. I can`t talk about it with my parents. I want to learn the bitter from the sweet by tasting, not by talking. I hunger for experience, they feed me explanations.
17y old: My relationship with myself is a very unhappy one. I am temperamental, a person of many moods. I pretend, so people cannot discern it. That is what I hate most about my life. I always act not like my true self.
So as parents, let`s be responsible.
First handle ourselves individually as a person, then work on with our spouse on the marital space, eventually leading to peaceful nurturing family environment for the next generation.
Mindful Parenting.
Dr. Arunkumar. S
Psychiatrist
www.agamwellness.com
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